Fred’s Story
For me, it was a lifesaver. I’d tried rehab and medically supervised detox, but it wasn’t until I started methadone treatment in February 2008 that I was able to stop using heroin altogether. It took me a couple of months to titrate up to a stable dose, but once I got there, I haven’t touched it since.
What was the atmosphere like at your methadone program?
The first methadone clinic that I went to, it was all about the numbers, it was all about the money, and I had a really ignorant counselor. It was an uncomfortable place to go to, it was an unsafe place to go to.
In contrast, the second program that I went to was very clean, very safe, very supportive. The director really wanted to create a place where people felt safe coming and working on their recovery: mind, body and spirit. I still go there today. I haven’t dosed since 2021, but I still go there monthly to meet with my counselor.
Why methadone?
Most importantly, it helped manage my pain in addition to keeping me out of withdrawal. I've had several spine surgeries which led me to opioid use in the first place because doctors prescribed pain pills and then they put me on a fentanyl patch. That’s when I became completely opioid dependent.
When people find out you’re on methadone, what kind of response have you gotten?
I did experience a lot of pushback in recovery groups. I completely dropped out of AA and NA because I heard all kinds of criticisms.
And in 2016, I went to a training class to become a Certified Recovery Specialist and there were people in that class who had no lived experience and were very biased against people in medication-assisted treatment. They weren't shy about making their feelings known. So that was very alienating and off-putting.
I remember one person in particular who was really ignorant: when one of the other class members self disclosed that she was on medication-assisted treatment, he started tearing into her and I stopped him and said, “Wait a minute. When you look at me do you see someone that's high? I took 120 mg of methadone three hours ago. I’m on methadone and what you're doing right now contributes to keeping people out of recovery because of the discrimination and the alienation.”
My family was grateful that I was no longer using. I wouldn't say my family has always been supportive, but I was able to start rebuilding some relationships there. As far as friends go, I had a few close friends that knew I was in treatment with methadone and they were very supportive. My friends had seen my decline physically as well as mentally when I was using heroin and other substances, and they saw how much better I got when I was in treatment. So if there were times that I needed a ride to get to the clinic, I usually had a friend who’d take me there.
How do you feel about all the rules you have to follow when you get methadone treatment?
For me personally, the beginning of treatment was really intense. I had counseling every week. I had to be there every day. I had random drug tests. I was still struggling with cocaine and marijuana use and the only thing that was impacted in my treatment was the ability to get take-homes. Once I started showing some stability in my recovery, I was able to get take-home privileges and gradually the frequency of counseling was reduced.
Do you think all of the requirements of your methadone clinic actually supported your recovery?
I believe so, yes. It really encouraged me to put down other drugs, which enabled me to focus not just on my substance use recovery but my mental health recovery as well.
You know, sure, there were rules, but getting into methadone treatment really helped me become more free. Even when I had to be there every day, I could come at 5am get my dose and then the rest of the day was mine. Prior to that, I had to spend the whole day chasing a drug in order to not be in withdrawal. I love to travel–and I travel a lot now–and there were a lot of trips that I’d planned to take when I was using that I had to cancel because I didn’t feel like I had enough opioids.
People call methadone “liquid handcuffs” and other disparaging metaphors and I don’t think it’s helpful. I’d heard those things prior to going into treatment and that’s what kept me away for at least two years.
When I was struggling and wanting to get into recovery, I tried this and I tried that and nothing was working. It was only when I couldn’t get a needle into my arm anymore that I realized I was really done–and I had to try methadone–and it ended up changing my life.